I was at a yard sale recently and bought Guns N’ Roses Greatest Hits. I’m not usually a big fan of “hits” packages since I often find the popular songs to be my least favorite. I also don’t like paying again for songs I usually already have. Guns N’ Roses only had a few records and I have them all. So, I did not buy the hits disc when it came out in 2004. I waited and I was rewarded with a near-mint copy for one big dollar at a yard sale. While listening to it, I have been struck by a few realizations. One: I really don’t love a lot of the songs on it and some I don’t particularly like at all like “Don’t Cry,” “Yesterdays,” and “Live And Let Die.” Two: there are a lot of cover songs that were counted at Guns N’ Roses’ greatest hits, and three: a lot of the songs leaving me less than impressed are from Use Your Illusion I.
This last was no real surprise to me since I haven’t really cared for it ever since that beautiful autumn day I took a hasty break from my ever so exciting job at Children’s Palace to run across the street to Listening Booth inside the mall at 10 am to be the first in my family (only?) to get my guitar-string calloused paws on the new Guns N’ Roses albums. Yes, albums. These mad musical geniuses found a way to put out two double albums on the same day. Two! At the time I thought they were making up for taking 4 years to make a follow up to Appetite For Destruction but in hindsight, it seems more like a down payment on the next 10 years without an album of new music or even a working band. Use Your Illusion I and Use Your Illusion II did after all constitute four full vinyl records and if you consider that at the time, bands put out records about every two years, that’s eight years of new music and I had it all in my hands by 10:15 am that Tuesday morning in September 1991. Back then I was dumb enough to buy the cassette for my car and the CD for home. Those days are long gone. But ever since popping the first cassette into my glorious Spark-O-Matic cassette deck on the ride back to work I’ve not been a fan of Use Your Illusion I.
What really ruined my first impression of it was the over-blown pomp and bombast of “November Rain.” It may not have been so if not for a fabulous little bootleg I had called .44 Caliber Horticulture. Contained within the grooves of this illicit opus was the most beautifully haunting acoustic guitar driven song I had ever heard. It was downright mournful and touched a place buried inside my 20 year-old psyche that was probably best left undisturbed. Too bad for that. The song was “November Rain.” It clocked in around 5 minutes and it had an arrangement akin to “Patience.” It was slower, darker, and deeper. It was a million miles from the pop-slop string arrangements and electric guitar punchiness of the track I heard blaring from the mighty VW car speakers that day. I almost didn’t recognize it and kept wondering what they did to my song. You see, when you’ve barely escaped your teens and have a personal affinity for a song it becomes yours, regardless of copyright, publishing agreements or even who wrote the damned thing. I was a discerning Guns N’ Fucking Roses fan and that was my song! I had the bootlegs. I had the albums. I had the cassettes. I had the compact discs, as they used to be called. I had the posters on the wall. Izzy Stradlin’ was a god damned hero to me (he still is!). I had the song books for Appetite & Lies. I could play the songs man. I walked the walk. And they repaid me by turning the majestically dire “November Rain” into a fucking pop song. Shit.
I tried hard to like it any way but it never happened. The whole disc turned out to be a dud for me and to this day it is my least favorite of the Guns N’ Roses catalogue. I don’t count the W. Axl Rose Band’s Chinese Democracy. I only made it through two tracks on that steaming pile of cow dung and I was done. If you lead off your record with two shiny turds the rest can’t be any better. My feelings on that topic are best left for another post someday. Use Your Illusion I did give me a few of my favorite GN’R tunes though like “Dust N’ Bones” and “Double Talkin’ Jive” which just perpetuated my fascination with Mr. Stradlin’. The last three songs on the UYI I are really quite good too. Bad Apples, Dead Horse, and closer Coma find the band hitting their stride and provide a perfect primer for the near perfect Use Your Illusion II.
I know this started off with Greatest Hits, and I really was listening to it. I was reminded of all the reasons I don’t like hits collections, especially when a lot of songs come from a record I really don’t like. Listening to Greatest Hits did pique my interest in GN’R again so there is a positive side to it and hell, “Paradise City” is a great song to hear while you’re getting ready for work in the morning. “Civil War” is on it, which I love, but most of it is just crap slapped together to make some cash from the last remaining vestiges of the Guns N’ Roses fan base. It has to be. They couldn’t have been looking for new fans with shitty covers of “Since I Don’t Have You,” or “Sympathy for The Devil.” Let’s face it, new fans are going for Appetite anyway, as they should, and once Jane’s Addiction covered “Sympathy For The Devil” there was no more need for another. Five of the 14 tracks on Greatest Hits are cover songs. My displeasure with UYI I not withstanding, I still think this band wrote some amazing songs and I seem to remember hearing a ton of them on the radio so there had to be some bigger hits than “Ain’t it Fun” and “Since I Don’t have You” which are dubious hits. I’m not even sure anyone but me and a few hundred others even knew about The Spaghetti Incident? album let alone enough people buying singles or demanding radio play to make a hit out of the crappiest of the crap on the disc.
All told though, I only like 6 of the 16 songs on Use Your Illusion I. I hate one: “November Rain,” and the rest are just inconsequential filler to me. There’s a bit of filler on II also. I bet I could whittle the two CDs down to one with a little work. Through the magic of digital music I could do that now. Hmmm. A Use Your Illusion playlist. What would yours look like? Here’s mine:
1. Right Next Door to Hell
2. Dust N’ Bones
3. 14 Years
4. Bad Apples
5. Double Talkin’ Jive
6. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
7. Bad Obsession
8. Breakdown
9. Pretty Tied Up
10. Dead Horse
11. You Ain’t the First
12. So Fine
13. Estranged
14. You Could Be Mine
15. Locomotive
16. Civil War
17. Coma












